Smackdown!

Nothing to say. Just liked the photo. I mean, we are the "leading Source for Late-Breaking Sumo Wrestling News."
Here, Kotomitsuki tosses Tochinonada at the New Year Grand Tournament in Tokyo. Time to throw some pillows!

Nüse & Notes

x Wiz rocket to 4-5! B. Hay(ve)wood puts big boy pants on with no Etan around to steal minutes and toys! Double-double-toil no trouble!
x Sandy, Baby exclusive video-blog with Wizardsrookie Nick Young, flashing back on his short tenure with the team. Except the part of Nick Young will be played by Nick Newman of Young & the Restless fame!
x Minor Thread and Ollie infiltrate enemy territory to attend a Hawks/Wizards preseason game at Phillips Arena aka the Highlight Factory (I kid you none). Highlight was calling Andrae Blatche by his new nickname, "John-School," then running away. Chase footage here!
Goons almost got us, but the Sandy, Baby-mobile got away! We love you, J-School!
x Skins get pummeled by Cowboys on national TV. Oh, wait, that hasn't happened yet! Post editorial details how the season could have turned on 'one foot.' Unless that foot is Gibbs's and it's out the door, we're still stuck in neutral. Today's loss will help us crawl into tomorrow...
x Apologists like Michael Wilbon are back-pedaling as fast as they can in light of the new charges against Barry Bonds. We've had all the evidence we've needed to know the records weren't legit for years. It's a shame the courts have to be the ones to step in when baseball, sports reporters, the sports establishment will not because it will hurt the bottom line $$$. Everyone's going to sigh, wipe their brow and say, "Whew, glad that's over with!" Wrong. Time to go after the single-season homerun records of Bonds, Sosa and McGwire. Or else it's all a show.

Rocky vs. the Rook

A few posts back I made fun of the German's passion for Handball. Did they really think this was an exciting sport? But then I learned to respect their taste, when I learned about the one, the only, Chess Boxing. Two men enter a ring, beat each other senseless for six rounds interspersed with games of speed chess. A knockout or checkmate wins. Brillant! Berlin recenly hosted the first world championship of chess boxing. (Click below the photo to watch it.)
I am ready to create whole new sports leagues based on this theme -- Checkers Wrestling, Battleship Badminton, Monopoly NASCAR. The ideas are endless. Candyland Karate. Go with it ...

The Wide Receiver

B. Lloyd broke his collarbone during practice the other day, right when the Redskins needed him to step up. Of course, I don't blame him for the inury. It's extremely painful, unfortunate, annd not his fault. I don't want to kick a man when he's down, so I'll refrain from making fun of, say, his hair or bad rapping or poor playing. In fact, it really does suck he got hurt. I mean, here was his best -- and most likely last -- chance to show the world what, if anything, he can do.
And by the world, I mean, me. I'd be totally willing to go 180 degrees on this dude if he could step up. But, alas ...
I also want to promote The Washington Post's gameday chatroom. Minor Thread and I participated intercontiental style (is that right? Intercontiental? Or Outercontenintal? Ah, screw it) and encourage others (YOU OLLIE!) to join in Sunday.
It's the best way for people who can't watch the game to enjoy it. It's almost like being at the stadium. And by being at the stadium, I mean locked in a jail cell thirty feet below the field in a room full of blindfolded men making inane, barely audiblle comments about a game they can't see, hear, or smell.

We Just Can't Catch A Break

I'm not going to comment (too) much on the Redskins perfection of the proverbial art of shooting one's self in the foot today. If not for the Patriots game, they'd be undefeated. They've beaten six teams this season. Five were opponents, but they've managed to beat themselves three times so far...and we're only 10 weeks into the season. Today's game was not about coaching; Gibbs, Saunders, and Williams did a great job gameplanning for the Eagles, and thoroughly outcoached Andy Reid from what saw. Buges did a great job on the offensive line, which had been offensive in more ways than one earlier this season (after being decimated by injuries). What the Redskins staff didn't know, however, was that Andy Reid had given access to his "Drug Emporium" to several of the Redskins' players (Chris Cooley, Ladell Betts, Casey Rabach, among others).

Meanwhile, the Wizards are pretty much embodying the above picture. Mike Wise, who despite past shots this blog has taken at him, is actually an excellent basketball writer, gave me a pretty good idea of how the season has gone so far in one column. I just wish he would stick to basketball and hilarious, mindblowing 'incites' into the personal lives of our favorite Redskins players, instead of writing "hard facts" Redskins columns that are written like he just got off the Amtrac train from New York and desperately wanted to fit in with the local sports scene by writing the safest, most obvious columns possible ("Wait, the Redskins have beloved old player doing their radio broadcasts? No way, I didn't know that!"). But hey, I'm trying to give the man his props, as Wilbon has said in the past, he really knows his stuff when he's talking hoops, and he's hit the 'Zards debacle of a season (so far) on the head. I agree (Ed. Despite the win today over a talented Hawks team) that they should shut Arenas down. He's not himself right now, and his knee is clearly hurting him. This is a situation where it's both in the team's interest and the player's to have him shut it down for at least a couple of weeks. If they can't win when he's toughing it out there's no point in not taking a more longterm perspective on the season and letting him rest up and come back at a later date. He won't like it because he's a baller/shotcaller and it's a contract year for him, but it's worth it for both parties in the long run. Arenas' next contract goes down anywhere from $500k to $1 mil everytime people see him hobbling off the court with his knee packaged more securely in ice than a transplant organ, so why not take a few weeks off and start dropping thirty or forty on people when you come back?

Sorry for getting serious for a minute, please accept this entertaining video evidence of how Rugby is much more manly a sport than Soccer, via Deadspin, as my apology. (Lil Bro, I know you have plenty of time to enjoy it....I expect an 800 word response by tomorrow).

If you have tears, prepare to shed them now....

Brothers, friends, Washingtonians, lend me your ears! Hear me for my cause; and be
silent, that you may hear: believe me for mine fandom, and have
respect for my fandom, that you may believe: censure me in your
"wisdom"; and stop talking out of your asses.

So let it be with J. Gibbs.
He is our coach, faithful and innovative,
Yet Minor Thread says he is senile,
and wants the Chin to assume the position,
because Joe is over the hill,
and the Chin reclines in a heated studio.
Joe hath brought many Lombardis home to Ol' DC,
for whom doth he win these trophies of inconceivable
value? Dost this seemeth anachronistic playcalling?

See the wounds that the Wide Receiver rendeth,
Missing important team meetings with "shin splints",
A thousand curses upon B.Lloyd and his "Euro-cut"!
Lo, how quickly the hurts of Burgundy and Gold faith
full turn on he who brought us to the promised land, not
once, not twice, but thrice.

Et tu Minor Thread? Et tu Lil Bro?