Monday, August 27, 2007

Rubbing Is Racing

Whoops! My bad. Somehow I misread the startlists on the IAAF website in writing the previous post. Alan Webb was racing against Ramzi and Mansoor Ali in his semifinal heat, but not the others I considered contenders. But that's not to say the semifinals weren't full of action and, ulp! drama.

First, in the other heat, Bernard Lagat ran a masterful race to win in the relatively slow time of 3:42 (a 3:58 mile). A naturalized US citizen, Lagat seemed to be fading as a contender during the slew of 'regular season' European meets this summer, losing the speed necessary to compete in the 1500 at age 31. Folks thought a move up to the 5000 meters would be Lagat's best bet in the future.

Championship 1500s are typified by slow running for three laps, then a jailbreak as everybody goes for broke. Typically, nobody wants to set a fast pace, as frontrunners spending the mental energy of leading often simply set up runners behind them to go flying by in the last lap. Slow laps create a bunch of athletes all clumped together, making positioning all-important. In the past, talented US athletes, such as Georgetown alum Steve Holman, were able to run fast times in rabbited races that get stretched out around the track, allowing for free movement, but struggled when thrown into the jostling, elbowing frenzy of a slower race. In these tight quarters, when openings allowing a mad dash to the finish fail to emerge, people get physical, as when the aforementioned Holman shoved Haverford alum Karl Paranya in the 1997 US Championships (Paranya stumbled but recovered well enough for 3rd, 2nd when Holman was DQed).

Hence the mayhem of the last 50 meters of Lagat's heat, which saw Baala of France give Higuero of Spain a Vulcan nerve pinch in order to get by. Higuero hit the deck, sending Baba of Morrocco down as well. Baala got DQed for the wrestling move while the two men he impeded get a free pass to the final. The French team has petitioned for Baala's reinstatement...

Seeking to avoid the scrum inside the pack, Alan Webb made the curious decision of bolting to the back of the pack as his heat started. He remained there, dangling over the precipice until the last 200 meters. Then he pulled around out of last place, intent on relying on the big kick he's rediscovered this season.

Problem is, everybody else starts charging, too.

Whereas Bernard Lagat, the experienced pro, moved around the pack in his heat with obvious guile and precise timing, it's clear Webb has waited too long. In the last 100 meters he's got 7 men ahead of them, seemingly moving too fast for him to catch.

Then, at the last second, a couple guys fade, and Webb finishes in 5th for the last automatic ticket to the final.

Not trusting myself, the startlist for the final is here.

Will Webb put himself in position to win? Does he need to stretch out the race with a fast pace from the beginning? Make a move at the halfway mark like he tried back in 2005?
Can Lagat regain his form just in time to win a tactical raced with a sprint at the end?
The final is full of subplots, too.

Kiwi Nick Willis, who was a teammate of Webb's during Alan's one year stint at Michigan, will be in the mix, but likely not be a player.

Asbel Kiprop, the finger-waving Kenyan from the first round, is only 18 years old and yet has pledged "to rule the world."
Kids these days...

Defending world champion Rashid Ramzi is lurking...

There are lots of teammates running together on Wednesday: three Spainards, and two each of the Algerians, Bahrainis, Americans, and Kenyans. Team tactics are not unknown. A team of three could try and control the race from the front, boxing in any other contenders until the final dash. Here is the 1996 Olympic final, as 3 Kenyans try to bottle up the immortal Nourredine Morceli (in the white and blue at the front).

A pair of runners have worked in tandem as one athlete acts as a pace car, a sacrificial lamb who sets a fast pace for the other runner, turning a slow race into a gingerbread man catch-me-if-you-can. The 2000 Olympic final featuring Hicham El Guerrouj and his chauffeur.

But with no dominant runner in play, it seems most likely that the final will be every man for himself. For the Americans, Lagat would favor a slow tactical race, Webb a fast one. No American has medaled in the 1500 in 20 years.

My gut tells me Webb will try to dictate the pace of the race, either from the gun or at 800 meters. He has a history of not doing well when he has to think and react on his toes, even though this seems to have improved in the past year. Like Pre, he'd rather lose a tough, fast race (3:30 - 3:34) than a tactical 3:35-3:40 race. He'll want the 800 meter split to be around 1:55-1:56. If it's not, he needs to go. A good model for him might be this race by Steve Cram.

After all the hype, it all comes down to three minutes and change on Wednesday.

1st - Webb
2nd - Kiprop
3rd - Lagat

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Webb Advances

The Post finally went bandwagon jumping with this article on Alan Webb, front page nonetheless!
Webb got rolling in Osaka today, as the World Championships started in the buchii mushii atsui weather of August on the Kansai plain (Loosen Up is the only blog delivering sports weather reports in authentic Osaka slang). 3 rounds in 6 days means the opening race is a balancing act, the purpose of which is to make sure you finish high enough/fast enough to either pass through to the next round on place (top-6 per race) or time (the next fastest 6 runners), while at the same time, if possible, conserving energy and effort for the next rounds, which will be progressively harder.

Webb brought his lunch pail, riding in a comfortable second for the first three slow laps in a workmanlike 3:40 (3:56 mile), guaranteeing a spot in the 2nd round. While Kenyan Asbel Kiprop did a nice bit of finger waving as he crossed the line to get a meaningless win, Webb took a page from Art Monk's book, acting like he had been there before. His countenance serious and focused, he ducked press requests as he headed straight into the stadium. A photo of the finish is at top.

Webb's real competition is still laying in wait in the tall grass, having been placed in other heats. The first time represents their seasonal best at 1500 meters, the second their alltime best:
Ivan Heshko UKR 3:35.03 3:30.33
Youssef Baba MAR 3:32.13 3:32.13
Mehdi Baala FRA 3:31.01 3:28.98
Rashid Ramzi BRN 3:29.14
Mohamed Moustaoui MAR 3:32.67 3:32.51
Daniel Kipchirchir Komen KEN 3:32.44 3:29.02
Tarek Boukensa ALG 3:30.92 3:30.92
Belal Mansoor Ali BRN 3:31.49 3:31.49

Compared to Webb: Alan Webb USA 3:30.54 3:30.54

In his second round heat Webb gets Ramzi, Baala (who was upset by Webb on his home turf at the Paris Grand Prix this year), Komen, Boukensa, Moustaoui, the finger-waving Kenyan Kiprop, and fellow American Bernard Lagat. On Monday night the top-5 finishers qualify for the final, along with the two fastest times not qualifying automatically on place from the two heats.
Do the math.
Somebody's going home.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Little Miss Sonny

Mike Wise makes me think of a new movie classic.

Sam Huff + Sonny Jurgenson in Grumpy Old Men IV: Dentures but Still Drinking

Plot: Sam and Sonny travel cross-country in a VW van to take Brandon Lloyd to a talent show where he can debut his musical skillz. They are accompanied by a crazy cast of characters. Love child Larry Michael has taken a vow of silence, no one complains. "Uncle" Joe Bugel is distraught over a failed relationship with one of his lineman. And the corpse of Jack Kent Cooke is a lovable ne'er-do-well who coaches B. Lloyd to fame in The Litte Miss No-Talent Contest.

Coming to a theater near you!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Thursday Bullets...Cuz I'm Laaaaaazy

Suck it Angelos.

Cue "Guantenamero": Jai-me Moreno! There's only one Jaime Moreno! Jaime Morennnno! There's only one Jaime Morennnno.

Batman has his non-homoerotic Robin.

Your populism, 42 cent gas, and media censorship won't get you out of this one, Chavez.

I've been holed up in my Fortress of Solitude (n0 girlz alloweds!!!) playing video crack...I mean, Madden (damn you, Superstar Mode!), so I have to ask: when did Nook Logan turn into Joe DiMaggio?

And the fantabulous Capitol Punishment has risen the ranks of semi-professional embittered sports blogger to semi-professional embittered ESPN commentator. Congratulations!

Saturday, August 18, 2007


Too much reaction would ennoble this line of thinking, but expect more and more people to try and justify steroid use in sports.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Czar of My Heart

For years I have suffered in silence, denying my passion.
But now I must confess my feelings and yell from the highest mountain top: "Lindsay Czarniak, NBC Channel 4 sports reporter, I totally [heart] you!"

Can she hear me? Do I need to yell louder to reach the Ivory Tower of WRC (4001 Nebraska Avenue, N.W.)? Perhaps when next her disembodied head and torso enters my living room TV to host Sports Machine, I will whisper her this poem.

Blond hair flowing,
on the Peacock network showing
clips of NASCAR and baseball

You'll never replace the Great Glenn Brenner
But in my mind you're like an all-night bender
making me woozy and light-headed

While Arch Campbell plays the fool
And Jim Vance a news-reading tool
You are light and oh-so beautiful

George Michael does his part
But you I watched from the start
My Czarnizak, the czar of my heart

[Now before I get a arrested for stalking (and get totally beat down by my fiancee), let me explain: my crush on Lindsay Czarniak is with her perky TV personality. I don't really want to get to know the real person. I'm sure she's pleasant. But it's the Platonic ideal that Lindsay represents that I sing of, a woman who can talk sports and look good in a pantsuit.]

Monday, August 13, 2007

B. Lloyd B. Lame II

The Post USA magazine, a new celebrity rag, features a profile of Redskin Brandon Lloyd, who I am starting to hate almost as much as Kwame "Jordan's gonna kill me" Brown. The D.C. Sports Bog pokes holes in this love letter to the rapping receiver, and I want to point out two specific quotes.

First: "He’s working as hard on his musical career as he is football." ... What's the Grammy you win for whining about shin splints for a whole album?

Second: "He’s as good a father and husband as he is athlete and entertainer." ... For his family's sake, I hope not.

The magazine also features ex-Van Halen singer Sammy Hagar. Sammy was known for his solo hit "I can't drive 55."

B. Lloyd plans to cover it. New title: "I can't catch 25."

Saturday, August 11, 2007



Within 3 years the baseball's career homerun record will be 755, Aaron, Hank.

Also the following records will be erased:

Rank Player (age that year) Home Runs Year Bats
1. Barry Bonds* (36) 73 2001 L
2. Mark McGwire (34) 70 1998 R
3. Sammy Sosa (29) 66 1998 R
4. Mark McGwire (35) 65 1999 R
5. Sammy Sosa (32) 64 2001 R
6. Sammy Sosa (30) 63 1999 R


because the following arguments will be seen for what they are, rationalizations of cheating.

1) Lots of people were doing it
2) They weren't breaking a baseball rule (just federal law)
3) Bonds and others were great players to begin with (so they get to cheat?)
4) We can't know exactly how many homeruns resulted from performance enhancers (what if we found out a player had used a corked bat for years?)
5) People have cheated in other ways throughout time

The other day, ESPN commentators said, critically, that the baseball administration would try to taint the record by mentioning the ongoing investigation. The cheating itself, not the references to the cheating, taints the record.

It will be tough in the short run, but necessary in the long run, for baseball, and all sports, to face the demons and come clean. Erasure, not asterisks, is the answer. The NFL, once held up as having the best league policy on performance enhancers, faces its own problems, as evidenced by outstanding Chargers linebacker Shawne Merriman testing positive and only missing 4 games.

Ironically, track and field is often cited as the sport with the most problems with performance enhancers, and yet it is the sport that has tried to test the earliest of almost any American sport. Ben Johnson had his 100 meter gold medal from the 1988 Olympics stripped from him 17 years before Major League Baseball established an effective testing policy. Recently, Justin Gatlin had his share of the 100 meter world record taken away after testing positive. Contrast that definitive action with the rationalizations surrounding Bonds.

Currently track athletes face ban of two years for a positive test, compared to 50 games, a third of a season, in baseball, and 4 games, a quarter of a season, in the NFL. A second positive results in a lifetime ban, and the USATF is proposing a lifetime ban on a first positive. And let's not forget that BALCO and its test-eluding steroid the clear were revealed by the initiative of track coach Trevor Graham, albeit for motives of jealousy, not altruism.

There are, of course, still track athletes cheating. The record books contain remnants of Eastern Bloc drug programs, the mysterious earthshattering feats of female Chinese distance runners (one runner broke the 5000 meter world record during her 10,000 meter race), and others, including Americans, using performance enhancers independent of any state-run regimen. But the policy is clear -- any athlete caught will face severe punishment, any tainted record expunged. Track produces scandal by, for the most part, refusing to look the other way and knowing the scandal and negative publicity are the price of refusing to turn a blind eye.

Skins will go 6 and 10. Gibbs will retire. Cowher will be hired.

Wiz will go 51 and 31 and make it to the conference finals.

Alan Webb will win the world championships in the 1500 and receive attention due.

The Takeover

First Bogmaster Agent Steinz tosses Ollie some props, then Michael Wilbon, clearly shamed by this stunning rebuttal of his earlier column on Bonds, reverses himself here. Now Mike Wise, PAID JOURNALIST, spends 2 e-pages on the Skins dysfunction, when Loosen Up nailed it weeks ago in a paragraph-plus.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Best Rapper Alive

Here, via D.C. Sports Bog, via Fanhouse, via Youtubes, via too many shots of Jim Beam, John Riggins rapping. That sound you're hearing, besides the white hot truth that Riggo is spitting, and the blazin' synth beats of the guy who made $3,000 coming up with this masterpiece, is the sound of the best moment ever in the life of a twenty year old sports blogger.

Somewhere, John Riggins is shaking his head and praying the Atari commercial he did never makes it to the internet.

Actual comment by a Bog reader (Lil Bro I'm looking at you): "Brandon Lloyd, listen and learn. Football playing rappers with a super bowl ring>football playing rappers with 23 catches."

UPDATE: This is why YouTube is so great. Sean Taylor IS: BATMAN

Smoot Smack

This is juvenile, crude, and I probably will incur the wrath of my older brother, but I just CAN NOT resist.
Today's Post article on Redskin Fred Smoot examined (once again) his role in the infamous Minn. Vikings sex boat incident, and I discovered a new definition for a Smoot Smack:
Steven Tallen, who prosecuted the case [.].... pointed to multiple witnesses who reported Smoot used a sexual device on two women at the same time ... .
Heh. I work blue.

Oh, and the United smacked David Beckham's American debut. Bend this, Beckham!

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Curb Your Enthusiasm

Just when they think they're out, mediocrity pulls them back in. After a scorching hot week, the Nats have been chilled by the cool summer Bay breeze. (Like that lead? It took me 45 minutes to write...professionalism, baby!) Three games, two losses, and the so bad I-threw-up-in-my-mouth homeruns given up to Barry Bonds. But hey....we're only 9.5 games out of the Wild Card!

This has been bugging me for a while, but someone may have mentioned this before (it seems too obvious for someone not to have): Don Sutton looks almost exactly like Larry David. Yeah, he does have hair, but c'mon. The resembelance is a bit uncanny. Whenever I see a shot of him and blogger extraordanaire Bob Carpenter, I keep expecting him to start ranting about the menacing nature of trick-or-treating. Either that, or this next season of Curb is going to be about the virtues of a well-placed fastball.

"This Langerhans's crazy! He sucks, but he plays like, every other game? And he's always dipping, always dipping. Hey, whats the deal with chewing tobacco? I mean, I know it gives you a buzz, but I never see anybody actually chewing it. You would think, y'know, since they call it chewing tobacco, that you'd have to, y'know, chew it. I thought it was like gum, except you get a buzz off of it. Hey! They should make a chewing tobacco flavored gum, so you actually chew the chewing tobacco! Hey, that wasn't a strike you cunt!"

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Holy Betrothals, CaptainChaos!

Bonds update--5th inning, douch---I mean, Barry hasn't hit a homer. Yet. If he does, I hope Frank Robinson pulls a WWE and decks him.

UPDATE: Crap. Never mind. Although this remark from Bob Carpenter did bring me a smile, "In a city where anything goes, they're going to be celebrating tonight." Care to elaborate, Bob? Perhaps some extended visits to Castro Street?

UPDATE ON THE UPDATE: Hank Aaron, Noooooooooooo! I was holding out hope for a second that his head would appear on the screen with a simple "Aaron angry" or something. Thought he was a Bond (no pun intended) villain for a second. "If you do not erase that home run from the books, I will be forced to use my laser satellite to level the entire Bay Area." Oh well. By the way, how contrived and classless is it to stop a game to celebrate ANY individual achievement. "We don't value individual records more than winning games...just sometimes." Didn't exactly see anyone rushing the field to congratulate him.

Anyway, this column by Mike Wise is just pretty awesome. Wise chronicles how Johnny White Guy has become CaptainChaos, the timing of which is appropos because CaptainChaos is getting engaged. And apparently, Chris Cooley not only enjoys love triangles with cheerleaders (in more ways than one?) but also going to strip clubs with his new fiancee...and her aunt and uncle too. What?!?!?!

"Over the spring, Chris, Christy, Scott, her uncle Craig and aunt Shannon ended up at Vixens Gentlemen's Club in West Virginia for what turned out to be a family outing.

"Everyone knew who Chris was," Christy said. "The owner came out, they gave us VIP treatment and all of a sudden I look up and the strippers are dancing to 'Hail to the Redskins.' It was crazy."

Not to mention, celebrating his fiancee's birthday with her Dad like a college frat boy.

"That's where the Oglevees come in. According to Chris, they know a good time. In honor of Christy's 21st birthday last year, Christy's father, Scott, and Cooley threw back 21 shots of Jim Beam bourbon. Apiece. "Oh, we were hurtin'," Cooley said."

Not only is CC now the clear heir apparent to Sonny Jurgensen and John Riggins on this team now, but his fiancee's family sounds awesome/insane.

He also parties with Lil E:

"Courtesy of Joe Gibbs Racing, they ended up in Tony Stewart's pit at a NASCAR race and later threw back beers with Dale Earnhardt Jr.

"Awesome," Cooley said. "We went and said hi to Dale and he said, 'You want to come party tonight?' So we said, 'Sure.' He says, 'Catch my helicopter over to the house when the race ends.' Dude, you had to see this place."

And he got his nickname from introducing himself as Captain Chaos to the team captains of an opposing team after the coin toss:

"Captain Chaos was born in 2005 when former teammate Brian Kozlowski bet Cooley $100 he would not introduce himself as such to the St. Louis Rams' captains before a game. "There were five captains," Cooley said. "I looked every one in the face and said: 'I'm Captain Chaos. Nice to meet you.' " Reebok made a T-shirt and it stuck."

Dudes, my mind has been blown. Amazing stuff by Kornheiser Lite. Frankly, I'm a little surprised he scooped Agent Steinzz on this stuff. Steinzz needs to step up his game a little bit and rise to the challenge here.

Clear & Present Danger

Whatever we've thought of Barry Bonds in the recent past, he's doing and saying mostly the right things now. [italics mine]
Michael Wilbon, Washington Post, August 7th, 2007

I've thought for a while that what people forget is that the performance enhancers that are the elephant in the room are drugs, harmful, illegal drugs that leave a pattern of predictable behavior in their wake. All of the accused steroid users, and epo users in cycling, act like addicts, perhaps not chemically addicted but emotionally dependent on the perceived boost these drugs give to their confidences, their careers, their lives. They deny, they obfuscate, they do and try anything to justify their behavior, because they need to. Coming clean, facing the truth, would be too painful and would threaten the way of life they are enmeshed in.

According to a transcript of Bonds’ Dec. 4, 2003, testimony reviewed by the Chronicle, prosecutors confronted the slugger with documents allegedly detailing the steroids he used — “the cream,” “the clear,” human growth hormone, Depo-Testosterone, insulin and a drug for female infertility that can be used to mask steroid use. - The San Francisco Chronicle
The jury is not out. It's clear Bonds juiced. The evidence, his changed body, the rumors, the record book detailing dosage and date, is out there for everyone, Major League Baseball, ESPN, the newspapers. And yet people continue to enable and deny.

...he's doing and saying mostly the right things now

Has Bonds come clean? Has he told the truth? Apologized? Gone public with what he has done and why? There is an active federal grand jury investigation into Bonds's steroid usage. Is he volunteering information?

...he's doing and saying mostly the right things now

In fact, Greg Anderson, Bonds's trainer and friend since middle school, convicted steroid dealer, is refusing to testify against Bonds as part of that grand jury investigation and serving jail time instead. Bonds is actively obscuring the truth through his relationship with Anderson. If Bonds is innocent or took the cream, the clear, human growth hormone, depo-testosterone, insulin, and a drug for female infertility that serves to mask steroid usage unknowingly (cough!), why is Anderson refusing to testify? See the excellent NY Times article by Murray Chass.

A split screen on ESPN every time they cut away to the home run record chase-- half Anderson sitting in his jail cell remaining silent/half Bonds at bat -- would tell the whole story. But that's not the storyline they're selling...;)

Michael Wilbon criticizes Bud Selig for what is, I admit, a wishy-washy stance that's par for the course of his tenure as commisioner. But hands in the pockets might be the classiest move at this point. Other than not attending.

...he's doing and saying mostly the right things now

The truth is the right thing to say and do.
This isn't about Bonds as a gruff, obnoxious guy. The records of Sosa, McGwire, Giambi, Palmeiro should be stricken if, as suspected, they were using, too.
A drug enabler wants everything to seem to be okay, normal, no matter how much pretending and denial it may take.

he's doing and saying mostly the right things now

Performance enhancers are a clear and present danger to the integrity of sports; they threaten to turn all sports into mere storylines, orchestrated to generate drama. The truth, the fairness, the reality all get trampled as everyone, fans, players, teams, networks, newspapers, become enmeshed in the storylines The storyline of the homerun chase back in the 90's helped bring baseball back, but at what cost? Michael Wilbon seems to be saying, "See, Barry is doing his part to say and do the things expected to be part of The Storyline. Why can't we all?"

This moment is awkward and corrupt because that's the truth of it. The new era of sports is eclipsing the old. We all know the circumstances. We can choose to applaud and pretend nothing's wrong, that there isn't a cheater getting away with it, that there isn't a man sitting in a jail cell in silence in order to protect the storyline that profits sports networks and sportswriters and Major League Baseball itself. Or we can demand truth and fairness in sports. In the name of Hank Aaron, in the name of Roger Maris. In the names of all the baseball players who didn't risk their lives taking drugs. Selig stands, hands in pockets, knowing this happened on his watch, but really it happened while all of us were watching.

Sunday, August 5, 2007


Of note:
The Atlanta Journal Constitution ran a preview of the Eastern Conference, dividing into teams that have improved and those that stood pat. The Wizards get nary a mention. But -- before Ollie goes on a Rooster Rampage -- we should all chillax and get our stealth on. Had we not gotten hit with injuries last year, we'd have been a top-3 seed in the East. #1 record at the break, even with the terrible start. This year Gil won't get all gotta pump iron till the break of day before the opener and we'll hit the ground running. I just wish he'd brag not about how many jump shots he's hitting during the summer, but how much defense he's practicing. The scoring needs to be more balanced, with Daniels, Young, Pech, DMac having big games occasionally to offset the reliance on the Big Three. 50+ Wins

- Interesting to see how protected the draft pick from the Grizzlies is. If we get it next year we can do one of three things -

1) dish off to someone w/ a side helping of Etan Thomas, freeing up money for a big free agent signing.
Big free agent market next year. But the player who best fits the needs of the Wiz is F/C Elton Brand. A 20/10 low post player who is also a good citizen, but who unfortunately just tore his achilles/out 6 months. He has a player option to get out of his contract. Some speculation he wouldn't opt out after an injured season, but big men get big money all the time.

2) Use both picks in a trade for an established player. Not sure what kind of player would both fit us and a team would be willing to give up. Less likely, methinks.

3) Use both picks -- lots of F/C coming out next year. Kevin Love? Darrell Arthur? Michael Beasley? Hibbert? DeAndre Jordan? All seem to have the potential to help the Wiz. Soem of these will be taken higher than either pick, but some will be available 15-25. But, they'd be young when the rest of the team is in its prime.

- A Spanish fan touting Navarro's impact on the NBA (and the Wizard's loss) on the messageboards cited a Navarro highlight reel on Youtube as proof of La Bomba's skillz. The rebuttal came when another fan linked to another bit of Youtubery, this time a very funny clip of Navarro getting absolutely shut down by a fringe NBA player guarding him in a Spanish league game. Both are worth checking out. I'm going to trust Grunfeld's instincts on this one.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

B. Lloyd B. Lame

I learned from Dan Steinberg this week that Redskin Brandon Lloyd has songs posted on his MySpace page. They include the hip-hop ditties "I Get the Chedda" and "Bad Child."
The aspiring musician has inspired me to write my own rap song, appropriately titled ...

"Catch the Ball 85!"

(Intro: generic Casio beat, sound effects from "The Longest Yard," a brief cornet melody, DMX-style shout chorus)

You singin' about chedda, but makin' TDs would be betta,
Smash yo helmet on the ground, Gangsta Gibbs sure ain't down,

Catch the ball 85, catch the ball 85!

23-for-57, your numbers stink to heaven,
Now you're No. 3, is Randle El all we need?

Catch the ball 85, catch the ball 85!

Back to Frisco, you're stale as Nabisco,
Here's a napkin man 'cause you got butter in your hands

Please add verses as needed during the season.

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Notes ands Arrested Development Jokes

"Baby" friend/ 12th level Bogmaster Dan Steinberg attempts to answer Lil Bro's burning question. The definitive answer is: maybe? Steinzz seems to have a bit of a subjective stance on the issue.

Also, Andray Blatche pulled a Hugh Grant. Oops. At least he'll take that 5 yr $12 mil deal without a hassle now... Word is his solicitation was almost as awkward as George Michael from Arrested Development. Don't even ask what he wanted to do with his chocolate covered banana.

Oh, and apparently we have a baseball team now. Who knew? I'm a little surprised nobody's mentioned it before.

Suggested questions for George Michael's chat tomorrow, on @ 12:30. (and let's face it...that kid is and always and only will be, George Michael Bluth...even after his third DUI):

How many pairs of pleated khakis do you own? The over/under is set at 150.

How long did you have to study for your role as an awkward high school student in your upcoming movie Superbad? 10, 15 seconds?

I supported your previous campaign, and was crestfallen when you didn't win. Do you plan on challenging Steve Holt *STEVE HOLT* for the Class Presidency again? And where might I acquire some campaign literature?

Is Jason Campbell for real?

Luv this NFL Fantasy Football ad for Jason Campbell. Is it fake? I don't care.

RFK scam Part II

So Tony Robinson of the DC Sports & Entertainment Commission responded to my e-mail about the RFK parking scam. He promised corrective action. Excerpts are below:

Thank you for bringing this matter to our attention. I am forwarding your note to our General Council and the Manager for IMPARK, our parking services provider. ... Your experience is not the norm and it will not be tolerated. We will investigate this matter and will do whatever we can to remove whoever may be responsible for what is a patently illegal practice.

Frankly, I don't expect anyone to be fired. All I needed to do was vent. But if you do go to RFK and get hassled for a parking payoff, tell Tony.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Sumo sadness Part II

Asashoryu received his punsihment today -- he's banned from two tournaments and his salary was cut for four months. According to AFP, it was the most severe punishment on a grand champion of Sumo in 80 years.
As previously discussed, he perhaps deserved a slap on the wrist for his transgression (allegedly faking an injury to skip a charity tour), but his real crime here is being a foreigner.