Tuesday, October 14, 2008

John Milton Laments Redskins Loss to Rams


In which The Author illumines the root causes of the Downfall of the Wearers of Burgundy and Gold this past Sabbath, and predicts their future Redemption.

Hail holy Zorn, offspring of Heav'n first-born

Providential play-caller, those foul beasts

Charybidis and Scylla could not stop

Thy reverse play-action run-pass option;

May I name thy faults unblam'd from thy wrath?

Th' Quarterback of Soup excells under thy

Tutelage; Choirs of Hogettes sing thy praise

"Hip, Hip, Hoo-Ray, Chosen of the Danny!"

But thou and thy bright Host art fell tempor'y

To those animals over whom Man may

Hold Dominion justly; Rams not these

Sacrificyal but rather rapt in one

Win over thee; their methods from thou not

Hidden but rather wrapt Incognito.

Play-calls passive, the Ultimate Sin of
Turnover, abundant. Pride of Four and
One cometh before the Fall.
And yet there

Is Redemption written in the emp'real
Celestial lights of the orbs of Heaven,
Spelled Cleveland and Detroit, fraudulent signs
Of professional teams both. Hail! O Sons of
Washington and restore thy blissful seat! ('Skins by 10)

Monday, October 13, 2008


A gimmie victory, huh? Well, the Redskins got overconfident Sunday against the atrocious Rams and went down in the closing seconds. Sure, fluke fumbles and weird plays contributed to the loss (Pete Kendell -- YOU ARE NOT A RUNNING BACK!!), but it was primarily a case of expecting to win, instead of playing to win.

Now, I've been enjoying the Skins's new-found swagger under (All Hail) Zorn, but it went too far last week. I mean what were Chris Cooley and Clinton Portis thinking when they dressed up to go -- I kid you not -- Ram hunting last week in a video featured on #47's blog?

I guess the answer is, even with swagger, Stay Medium.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

The Spoon-Fed Receiver

Now that B. Lloyd be gone, I have to have a new target. And you know, while this Redskins season is going great, I really don't have to look too far .. DO I DEVIN THOMAS!?!

Listen: You may be more talented than Lloyd and even a more profound rapper than than the lyricist who brought the world "I Get the Chedda" but damn, man, quit with the interference calls!

On the Wash. Post Redskins blog (All Hail) Zorn said about Thomas: "He's a tremendous talent. But he's not ready, really, to take on any kind of responsibility, to be honest with you. We're having to spoon-feed him there."

Yes, spoon-feed! Devin, before we dub you the Spoon-Fed Receiver, play in a game and don't break the rules!

And for those out of area bloggers, are we all keeping up with the latest Eastern motors ads -- discussions between CP and Randle El about ligers and Chris Cooley in his short-shorts. I tell ya, we got a team with swagger now.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Fire Up the (Copyright Infringing) BlogWagon!

Ollie saw many BlogWagons on his trip to India. Hopefully this one will smell less like urine and curry.

Chris Samuels Re-Enacting R.Kelly's 1996 Hit "I Believe I Can Fly"

Great Kornheiser's Corpse! People are actually talking about the Redskins for reasons other than Captain Chaos showing his hee-ha all over the inter tubes. When Danny Warbucks hired Encino Man...I mean, Jim Zorn, everyone thought that it was going to be a Al Davis sucking-the-life-out-of-the-souls-of-the-innocent-type situation (sweet hyphenation, huh?). Personally, I thought he was the villain from this:

Somehow I can't see a Born Again saying "Prepare her for our pleasure"

We were wrong. Zorn isn't in over his head. He's not Spurrier running up the score in Osaka with a bunch of backups and then blowing harder than Leperchaun: Back to the Hood. He's not Herr Schottenheimer, locking grown men in their rooms after 8. Dare I say, he's not even Gibbs (II), running plays that harkened back to the days of the wishbone.

All Hail Zorn! All your non-divisional games are behold to us!

(Every time Dan Snyder gets excited, an Angel gets its wings)

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Karate Chop YO!

We all know Santana Moss is the king. So far this season, he is second in the NFL in yards receiving and tied for third in receptions. After running cold for a while, what's the deal?

Better connection with QB Soup? Being healthy? More motivation?

Sure, may be. But I think it's -- hiiiii-yah! -- his new embrace of the ancient Asian martial arts. (Cue gong and windchime)

According to this AP story, Master Moss took up Tae Kwon Do in the off season (because, like, running, swimming and lifting weights wasn't enough). The Korean fighting style perhaps gives him more poise, center, focus -- and straight up badassness!

Undoubtedly he will follow in the footsteps of Bruce Lee, Chuck Norris, Jet Li, Bolo Yeung, Sammo Hung, Sonny Chiba (uhm, perhaps I should stop here ... ). And of course, the best of them all -- Jim "Black Belt Jones" Kelly.