Tuesday, October 13, 2009

A Candid Conversation

According to The Washington Post, The Danny and Joe Gibbs met Saturday night for dinner. Here's a partial transcript of their conversation:

The Danny: I just don't understand! I am trying to make this team a winner. All-Mighty Joe, why do Redskins fans hate me like the Nobel Peace prize committee hates Dick Cheney?

Gibbs: Because you suck, you lame ass piece of crap.

The Danny: I pay huge sums of money for high-profile, but ailing players, make bad draft choices, sue ticket holders, and hired an untested coach. Why do Lavar and other talk radio big mouths trash me like the public option at a townhall meeting?

Gibbs: Because you suck, you lame ass piece of crap.

The Danny: If I get Jon "Chucky" Gruden will they love me? If I get Bill "The Chin" Cowher will they respect me? I brought you back, Joe. That seemed to work. What went wrong with that? Why didn't you love me like Gov. Mark Sanford loves the Appalachian Trail?

Gibbs: Because you suck, you lame ass piece of crap ... and because: You. Don't. Listen.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Internet Performance Art Captures the Zeitgeist of Redskins Fanbase

"I'd like to return my Malcolm Kelly hype-machine."

Friday, March 6, 2009


What if the Haynesworth bet pays off? He's a sack monster, attacks QBs, forces interceptions, etc. Well, obviously that's an exciting propect, which I'm skeptical of. But I do have a catch phrase ready in case fate finally blesses the Redskins.

"Wait till we get our Haynes on you!"

The stadium fans will chant this while swinging boxer briefs above their heads.

Pretty cool, right? ... no???

Monday, March 2, 2009

Champions of the Offseason!!!

We won!!! We are the victors! Triumphant!

Once again, we rule the offseason. A big splash aquisition, a huge paycheck, and even larger dreams.

But we've all heard this before.

As a San Francisco (almost RIP) Chronicle sports writer puts it: "Owner Daniel Snyder's list of free-agent blunders reads like a Bernard Madoff balance sheet: Jeff George, Brandon Lloyd, Andre Carter, Adam Archuleta, Antwaan Randle El."

She wonders: How well will Haynesworth play in a non-contract year?

And as the Post pointed out last week: How well will a freelancer like Haynesworth work under a disciplinarian like Blache?

I wonder what will happen when a prima donna player who is the apple of The Danny's eye gets special status? How will that affect morale? Team unity?

Oh yeah, hello Clinton Portis.

"I love Mr. Snyder. Mr. Snyder loves me, that's my man. He kept me around."

Yeah. Champs of the offseason again.

Sunday, February 8, 2009


In my mind LeBron James will go down as the greatest basketball player ever to play the game when all is said and done. I rooted for him ever since his coming-out party in high school, when he destroyed also-heralded Lenny Cooke in summer league play. He arrived to the Association ready to play, with that once-in-a-lifetime combination of man-child size, strength skill and maturity.

But he lost me during that first playoff series with the Wiz. Write off LeBron's low-class heckling of Gilbert before those free throws as nothing more than gamesmanship, but poor sportsmanship from an all-time great always irked me more than that from the journeyman. He's got the skill to win without whining about calls or tearing down his opponents, but LeBron just doesn't seem to get it. Whenever your mama's got to get involved, your class is suspect.

But since the moment I saw this, I knew LeBron had stepped over the line.
The image of throwing resin is original, cool, a signature move that helps define the King James mythology.
One problem.
Now retired, Mitoizumi started that routine way back in the mid-80's before calling it quits in 2002. A feisty wrestler whose antics were always more memorable than his win-loss record, Mitoizumi came across as a nasty, mean bully who was a pleasure to root against. Hence, his other nickname, "The Asshole," in David Benjamin's immortal The Joy of Sumo. Oh, and just to pile on Mitoizumi with more villanous qualities, he bore an uncanny resemblance to Gabara, the cat-faced monster nemesis in Godzilla's Revenge. In fact, when Mitoizumi and diminutive Takatoriki would tussle, it would seem alot like Ganbara kicking Minya's butt up and down Monster Island. Minus the electro-shocks.
But I digress.
LeBron copped his act off The Asshole, which is appropriate, but unoriginal.
Quoted in the Cleveland Plain Dealer: "I don't know why I started throwing it up," James said. "But it is definitely trademarked."
Sure, but by Mitoizumi, who was doing it when LeBron [edit] first started wearing diapers.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Super Bowl Slumber

  • News & Notes! during one of the most boring two week stretches in the sports calendar
  • 17 years and counting for the Skins since their last Super Bowl... or their last NFC championship game. 
  • Eagles have been to 5 NFC championships in the past 7 years -- I'd buy that for a dollar. I'd take a contender who has a chance to win it any day over a guaranteed  win. Give me 5 NFC championships, even if they end in heartbreak, over 1 Super Bowl and 4 poor seasons.
  • 50/50 Will Eagle DeSean Jackson have more receiving yards in his rookie season than all three Skins rookie receivers in their careers? Current score: DeSean - 920, Fred Davis, Devin Thomas, Malcolm Kelly - 147  Keep in mind both Devin Thomas and Fred "Sleepy" Davis were taken before Jackson was in the 2nd round. Oh, yeah, Bronco Eddie Royal (980 yards, 5 TDs) was taken on the board when we picked Thomas, too. Thanks, Vinny.
  • Best use of the Skins money? Give Wade Phillips a $3-million contract...to continue coaching the Cowboys. Throw in some for T.O while you are at it.
  • Trade Clinton Portis for Anquan Boldin straight up. Cardinals get a better running game, we get the receiver we need. Start Betts until better talent comes along.
  • Gotta love Baltimore making a run -- Danny's gotta hate that.