A Candid Conversation

According to The Washington Post, The Danny and Joe Gibbs met Saturday night for dinner. Here's a partial transcript of their conversation:

The Danny: I just don't understand! I am trying to make this team a winner. All-Mighty Joe, why do Redskins fans hate me like the Nobel Peace prize committee hates Dick Cheney?

Gibbs: Because you suck, you lame ass piece of crap.

The Danny: I pay huge sums of money for high-profile, but ailing players, make bad draft choices, sue ticket holders, and hired an untested coach. Why do Lavar and other talk radio big mouths trash me like the public option at a townhall meeting?

Gibbs: Because you suck, you lame ass piece of crap.

The Danny: If I get Jon "Chucky" Gruden will they love me? If I get Bill "The Chin" Cowher will they respect me? I brought you back, Joe. That seemed to work. What went wrong with that? Why didn't you love me like Gov. Mark Sanford loves the Appalachian Trail?

Gibbs: Because you suck, you lame ass piece of crap ... and because: You. Don't. Listen.

Internet Performance Art Captures the Zeitgeist of Redskins Fanbase

"I'd like to return my Malcolm Kelly hype-machine."

Haynesworthy

What if the Haynesworth bet pays off? He's a sack monster, attacks QBs, forces interceptions, etc. Well, obviously that's an exciting propect, which I'm skeptical of. But I do have a catch phrase ready in case fate finally blesses the Redskins.

"Wait till we get our Haynes on you!"

The stadium fans will chant this while swinging boxer briefs above their heads.

Pretty cool, right? ... no???

Champions of the Offseason!!!

We won!!! We are the victors! Triumphant!

Once again, we rule the offseason. A big splash aquisition, a huge paycheck, and even larger dreams.

But we've all heard this before.

As a San Francisco (almost RIP) Chronicle sports writer puts it: "Owner Daniel Snyder's list of free-agent blunders reads like a Bernard Madoff balance sheet: Jeff George, Brandon Lloyd, Andre Carter, Adam Archuleta, Antwaan Randle El."

She wonders: How well will Haynesworth play in a non-contract year?

And as the Post pointed out last week: How well will a freelancer like Haynesworth work under a disciplinarian like Blache?

I wonder what will happen when a prima donna player who is the apple of The Danny's eye gets special status? How will that affect morale? Team unity?

Oh yeah, hello Clinton Portis.

"I love Mr. Snyder. Mr. Snyder loves me, that's my man. He kept me around."

Yeah. Champs of the offseason again.

LeFRAUD

In my mind LeBron James will go down as the greatest basketball player ever to play the game when all is said and done. I rooted for him ever since his coming-out party in high school, when he destroyed also-heralded Lenny Cooke in summer league play. He arrived to the Association ready to play, with that once-in-a-lifetime combination of man-child size, strength skill and maturity.

But he lost me during that first playoff series with the Wiz. Write off LeBron's low-class heckling of Gilbert before those free throws as nothing more than gamesmanship, but poor sportsmanship from an all-time great always irked me more than that from the journeyman. He's got the skill to win without whining about calls or tearing down his opponents, but LeBron just doesn't seem to get it. Whenever your mama's got to get involved, your class is suspect.

And LeBron playing with his Cleveland fans with his flirtation with free agency:

Narcissus so himself himself forsook,

And died to kiss his shadow in the brook --- Twelfth Night

But since the moment I saw this, I knew LeBron had stepped over the line.

The image of throwing resin is original, cool, a signature move that helps define the King James mythology.

One problem.

It's completely ripped off from former sumo wrestler Mitoizumi, who always ended his pre-bout ritual with a gasp-inducing heave of salt that earned him the nickname "Salt Shaker" in Japan.

Now retired, Mitoizumi started that routine way back in the mid-80's before calling it quits in 2002. A feisty wrestler whose antics were always more memorable than his win-loss record, Mitoizumi came across as a nasty, mean bully who was a pleasure to root against. Hence, his other nickname, "The Asshole," in David Benjamin's immortal The Joy of Sumo. Oh, and just to pile on Mitoizumi with more villanous qualities, he bore an uncanny resemblance to Gabara, the cat-faced monster nemesis in Godzilla's Revenge. In fact, when Mitoizumi and diminutive Takatoriki would tussle, it would seem alot like Ganbara kicking Minya's butt up and down Monster Island. Minus the electro-shocks.

But I digress.

LeBron copped his act off The Asshole, which is appropriate, but unoriginal.

Quoted in the Cleveland Plain Dealer: "I don't know why I started throwing it up," James said. "But it is definitely trademarked."

Sure, but by Mitoizumi, who was doing it when LeBron [edit] first started wearing diapers.

YES WE CAN!

BLAKE GRIFFIN

Super Bowl Slumber

• News & Notes! during one of the most boring two week stretches in the sports calendar
  
• 17 years and counting for the Skins since their last Super Bowl... or their last NFC championship game. 
  
• Eagles have been to 5 NFC championships in the past 7 years -- I'd buy that for a dollar. I'd take a contender who has a chance to win it any day over a guaranteed  win. Give me 5 NFC championships, even if they end in heartbreak, over 1 Super Bowl and 4 poor seasons.
• 50/50 Will Eagle DeSean Jackson have more receiving yards in his rookie season than all three Skins rookie receivers in their careers? Current score: DeSean - 920, Fred Davis, Devin Thomas, Malcolm Kelly - 147  Keep in mind both Devin Thomas and Fred "Sleepy" Davis were taken before Jackson was in the 2nd round. Oh, yeah, Bronco Eddie Royal (980 yards, 5 TDs) was taken on the board when we picked Thomas, too. Thanks, Vinny.
• Best use of the Skins money? Give Wade Phillips a $3-million contract...to continue coaching the Cowboys. Throw in some for T.O while you are at it.
• Trade Clinton Portis for Anquan Boldin straight up. Cardinals get a better running game, we get the receiver we need. Start Betts until better talent comes along.
• Gotta love Baltimore making a run -- Danny's gotta hate that. 

Rey Mauluga Has Good Taste in Sideline Reporters, Needs to Work On Pickup Skillz

Only DC team that's winnin'!!!

Answers from the ATL

The parallels are eerie.

• The Washington Redskins and the Atlanta Falcons have identical 65-77 records in the 21st century (Ever wonder how far down the sports totem pole we've fallen ? -- Atlanta has never in their team history had back-to-back winning seasons).
• Both teams had owners accused of being too involved in the day-to-day operations of the franchise, with Arthur Blank palling around with players down on the sidelines and Dan Snyder's well-documented foray into team management.
• Both faced GM and coaching searches last year, the Falcons after their disastarous 2007 season that featured a dysfunctional organization with a quitter for a coach (Petrino) and sniping players who took public shots at the direction of the team.
• Here the parallels end.
  
• The Skins hire the owner/Vinny as GM and Zorn as coach.
• The Falcons hire GM Thomas Dimitroff from the personnel department of the Patriots and Mike Smith, Jacksonville defensive coordinator as coach. Blank distances himself from the day-to-day operations of the team.
• Coming off a 9-7 season Skins flounder after a fast start, winding up 8-7 with one game left.
  
• Coming off a 4-12 season, the Falcons rise to 10-5 with one game left.
• Dimitroff is touted as NFL executive of the year.
• Vinny/Danny are not.
• Mike Smith is discussed as a possible coach of the year.
• Zorn is not.

What did the Falcons do?

1. The owner becomes detached from day-to-day operations. Hard to take dad seriously if mom is always open for complaints. An owner getting too chummy with players encourages the coach to do the same to curry their favor. Jim Mora was canned by the Falcons for doing too much of this, the same Jim Mora who the Seahawks will likely give the keys to the kingdom to after Mike Holmgren leaves instead of in-house QB coach Jim Zorn.
   
2. Hire an unglamorous, football saavy GM, giving him the power and independence. He hires a similar coach.
3. Make football moves that benefit the team, regardless of sentiment or star power: The mercurial bad apple DeAngelo Hall -- gone. All-star tight end Alge Crumpler -- gone. Warrick Dunn, great character guy but done --gone. All ties cut with Vick. The result was a team with less talent but more character. Portis? Campbell?
   
4. Build through the draft. Of course it helps to draft perhaps the best rookie QB ever in Matt Ryan. But all the rookies for the Falcons have contributed. The Skins draft was crap, full of guys who either shouldn't've been drafted, or have claimed they have had trouble adjusting to living on their own.
   

Gotta tear it down before you really build a contender. Hire Cowher and Colbert. And Danny should back the hell off.
A reminder of Cowher's resume:
15 years.
11 winning seasons.
10 trips to the playoffs.
161-99-1.

Collapse

No other word for it. The Redskins are as bad as the economy. They are the Lehman Bros. of football; the stock market of sports teams. Cash out! Cash out!
It's sad, really. And we should blame ourselves for getting too excited at 6-2. I watched Sunday's game like a rubber necker on the highjway, just pure schendenfreude (yes, I speak bad German).
Not enough fingers to point at all the problems. Vinny? Danny? Zorny? etc. I just keep thinking one more season, one more season. But reality is we are far away from becoming an elite playoff team.
Merry Christmas.

As the Burgundy and Gold Turns...

So while Clinton Portis acts like a petulant 3-year-old, here's Buffalo's Marshawn Lynch wearing his big boy pants:

Lynch taking blame for Bills' struggles: Most teams drown in a sea of finger-pointing when their seasons spiral toward oblivion. But an unusual thing happened in the Bills' locker room Wednesday. With Buffalo still mathematically in the playoff race, running back Marshawn Lynch threw out a life preserver to his teammates and beleaguered head coach. "You're looking for the right person to blame it on, I'm right here," said Lynch, who had just 31 yards on 13 carries in the Bills' loss to Miami on Sunday. "I'm the feature back here, and I don't feel, as the feature back, I've played like it." Lynch said that when he watches film of himself, he sees opportunities he has missed to make better plays, noting in particular that if he were just a little more patient at times, he could have broken open for big runs. Of course, there's another theory floating around Buffalo these days -- that Lynch simply isn't getting the ball enough. It's one of the many complaints being directed toward Dick Jauron, but Lynch is defending his coach. "Thirteen is more carries than zero, so therefore, I had the opportunity," he said. "I just have to capitalize on it." -- Rachel Nichols from ESPN.com

The Skins have stayed relevant these past 15 years by being a soap opera, not a contending football team. The drama starts at the top, where the boy-owner insists on running the show, leading to all kinds of dysfunction over who's in control. Remember this?

"This is Marty Schottenheimer's organization from the standpoint of the final word," said Snyder, who introduced Schottenheimer at a news conference at Redskins Park. ". . . We needed a proven leader. We needed a proven winner."

Whoops.
The soap opera got a minor reprieve by jumping the shark with the return of Joe Gibbs.
But, like grains of sand through the hourglass, that euphoria was quickly pulled down into the mediocrity that is the modern-day Skins. Does this soap opera remind you of any other franchise?

In a recent interview with Daniel Snyder....

WSJ: Are there owners you admire?

Mr. Snyder: I admire Pat Bowlen [of the Denver Broncos]. He has a tremendous desire to win. And in the offseason, I get along great with Jerry Jones [of the Dallas Cowboys]. We have a lot of fun times together with our wives. We vacation together. But during the season, we are definitely enemies.

Here's the heart of the problem.
The owner of the Skins emulates the meddling, hands-on, fantasy football ownership style of the hated Cowboys. Ever since we poached the Cowboys' offensive coordinator, neck gaggle and all, we've gone downhill. Every soap opera needs its queen bee, the offensive diva that thinks everything should revolve around them. Dallas has theirs, and we've got ours.
So the Skins are emulating an organization that hasn't won a playoff game in
TEN.
YEARS.
That is in the middle of its latest December swoon.
Whose old-school savior couldn't save (Parcells) them much like Gibbs couldn't save us.
Let's go to the videotape:
Cowboys record since 2000 -- 70-67
Redskins record since 2000 -- 65-77
Cowboys playoff wins since 2000 - 0
Redskins playoff wins since 2000 - 1
Cowboys division championships since 2000 - 1
Redskins division championships since 2000 - 0
Cowboys coaches since 2000: 3
Redskins coaches since 2000: 5
Jerry Jones so wants to prove he can assemble and manage a championship team. 13 years later, he still hasn't done it.
And here we have the model for Dan Snyder. It's not working in either place. When the ownership has a too-close relationship with players and day-to-day operations, it creates a dysfunctional organization. Terrell Owens and Pacman Jones get away with destructive behavior because they know the coaches are too weak to stand up to them when the owner, the guy who acquired them in the first place, has their backs. Same with Portis, who bragged about his close relationship with Snyder.
Nothing will change with the Skins until Daniel Snyder steps away from day-to-day operations and lets them be handled by strong, independent football people who are given the space and power to run a functional organization imbued with accountability and measured, informed decision-making. That means a front office that won't try to buy up its media coverage in order to be able to project a party line that everything is copacetic when it's the organization that needs to change. That won't duck call-in shows after the season takes a turn for the worst.
A functional organization doesn't need a Ministry of Truth spinning its ownership's 65-77 record.
The Cowboys have always been the Skins opposite numbers. Both teams often spoil excellent seasons the other is having. But now we are emulating our nemesis, with predictable results.
If the Cowboys represent the problem, what's the solution?
The Atlanta Falcons.

JC

Build around Nick Young, Crittenton, Butler, JaVale, Blatche, McGee. See what Arenas can bring when he gets back.
Hollinger's analysis of Javaris Crittenton on espn.com:
2007-08 season: Crittenton was only 19 and didn't really know what he was doing yet, so despite the low PER I took a lot of encouragement from his rookie season. For starters, Crittenton showed NBA athleticism in a few different areas. He ranked sixth among shooting guards in free-throw attempts per field-goal attempt and eighth in rebound rate, and he showed he can create offense -- he actually had the second-highest usage rate on the Grizzlies behind Rudy Gay. Additionally, Crittenton's biggest negative is really a positive. His turnover ratio was positively awful, ranking 60th out of 63 shooting guards, but young players with high turnover rates tend to progress much further in future seasons than those who do not. Note that I said "among shooting guards" above. Most of Crittenton's minutes came last year at the 2, and despite his being labeled a point guard coming out of college I think this is almost certainly where his long-term future is. Even as a 2, Crittenton ranked third-worst in pure point rating, and at 6-5 he'll probably have to play the wing for defensive purposes anyway. Scouting report: A quick guard who handles the ball very well for his size, Crittenton only played one year of college ball and thus has to do quite a bit of on-the-job training in the NBA. He still doesn't always know where to be or where to go and he seriously needs to improve as a shooter -- he was 14-of-51 on long 2s, 10-of-37 on 3s and only 69.2 percent from the free-throw line. Crittenton is also thin for his size, which might change as his body fills out but could be a liability if, as I suspect, he ends playing most of his career minutes on the wing. 2008-09 outlook: I don't think Memphis necessarily has to trade one of its three point guards, because Crittenton seems to be more of a 2 to me and I wouldn't be surprised at all if he ends up being O.J. Mayo's primary backup at that position this season. He has the ability to become a very good player, but whether he will or won't depends heavily on how much progress he makes as a shooter.

We lost

I almost made an early exit from the game last night ... then two turnovers ... then two scores ... then ... we lost again. I don't want to be too down on the team, but I guess after feeling excited by the first half of the season, it's harder to face reality. It was also hard to watch the Steelers beat the Cowboys and Philly beat Giants. I mean, I cheered on both winners of those games, but watching the teams move the ball, actually score more than one touchdown, and fight with heart, I realized how far the Redskins need to go.
May be next year? May be a year after that?

Sandy, Baby's New Mancrush

Allow me to steal Minor Thread's thunder and start up this blog's next mancrush.

Rey Mauluga:



The first 2 minutes of the above video is from the Rose Bowl last year, where he almost single-handedly destroyed Illinois. He had three sacks, including my personal favorite where the running back picks him up on the blitz and he still knocks over Juice "Not the One doing 6-18" Williams. With one arm. While being blocked. And Williams weighs 235 pounds.

He had those three sacks and an interception, and a helluva lot of of tackles. IN THE FIRST HALF.

So yeah, he's pretty beastly.

#21

I was a little let down with the loss to the Giants today. I really expected the Redskins to remain competitive against a tough team with the emotion of the anniversary of Sean Taylor's murder. (I also though the Palaxico distraction wouldn't hurt either.)
I didn't really expect a win, but a tight, close game would've been nice. Instead, we got the same old stuff -- lack of offense and a failure to execute. I thought our secondary would play a lot better. I still think we can end the season well, may be even win three of the last four games. But I think playoff hopes are unrealistic at this point.

Praise YouTube

Ball Hawkin' the Sea Hawks

Thanks Goodness our secondary develop some hands against Seattle. It helped turn an ugly game into a win. At 7-4, I am still hopeful that the Redskins can make it to the playoffs. But man, I am still not sure they deserve it.

I mean, they fight hard, play well (at times), but when will they dominate?

???

Should I be worried here? Has our head of steam evaporated? Under Gibbs the team surged in the second half of the season, have we reversed that? Tell me it ain't so Zorn.

Prognostications...

Killing time as I watch the Dallas game...hmmm...maybe DeAngelo wasn't that bad a pick-up -- at least he can hang onto interceptions thrown right at him. If a strong locker-room culture can teach him the right way to approach, well, being a professional, being a team player, being a positive human being, he's got some skillz.

Too often fans act like the road to the playoffs starts in week 16 when talking heads begin considering playoff possibilities. But we pretty much know by now how tough different teams are, and it can be easy to give some...
NFC PREDICTIONS -
Team last 6 games final record
Division Winners
NY Giants 4-2 13-3 best team in the NFL; meaningless loss to Vikings at end
Tampa Bay 4-2 11-5 this should count as going .500 as they tee up on the Lions and Raiders
Arizona 3-3 10-6 a dangerous team...
Green Bay 4-2 9-7 Aaron Rodgers is the anti-diva
Wildcards
Carolina 3-3 11-5 rough schedule; 2nd loss to Tampa makes them a wildcard
Skins 4-2 11-5 losses to Giants and either Ravens or Eagles

Also-rans
Dallas 3-3 8-8 jinxing this with an in-game prediction...
Atlanta 3-3 9-7 great turnaround but still a year away
Minnesota 3-3 8-8 hate to say it, but Favre could've helped

It's clear that:
the Skins won't catch the Giants, so wildcard is their only route in
they currently are in the driver's seat at 6-3
it could come down to best division record with Carolina

Beating Carolina out for the #1 wildcard could mean the difference between facing Green Bay, then Tampa Bay OR the much harder road of Arizona, NY Giants
Let's assume the Skins eek out a better division record

1st round of playoffs:
Washington 24 Green Bay 13
Carolina 17 Arizona 14

2nd round:
Ny Giants 21 Carolina 10
Washington 27 Tampa Bay 20

NFC championship
NYG 23 Skins 17 - we have a chance to win, but just miss out

Giants beat Tennessee, 13-7 in the Super Bowl

2nd round