Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Czar of My Heart
For years I have suffered in silence, denying my passion.
But now I must confess my feelings and yell from the highest mountain top: "Lindsay Czarniak, NBC Channel 4 sports reporter, I totally [heart] you!"
Can she hear me? Do I need to yell louder to reach the Ivory Tower of WRC (4001 Nebraska Avenue, N.W.)? Perhaps when next her disembodied head and torso enters my living room TV to host Sports Machine, I will whisper her this poem.
Blond hair flowing,
on the Peacock network showing
clips of NASCAR and baseball
You'll never replace the Great Glenn Brenner
But in my mind you're like an all-night bender
making me woozy and light-headed
While Arch Campbell plays the fool
And Jim Vance a news-reading tool
You are light and oh-so beautiful
George Michael does his part
But you I watched from the start
My Czarnizak, the czar of my heart
[Now before I get a arrested for stalking (and get totally beat down by my fiancee), let me explain: my crush on Lindsay Czarniak is with her perky TV personality. I don't really want to get to know the real person. I'm sure she's pleasant. But it's the Platonic ideal that Lindsay represents that I sing of, a woman who can talk sports and look good in a pantsuit.]