Ladies (ha!) and gentlemen, I have BREAKING NEWS. Michael Vick's defense attorney, has said he's NOT GUILTY. THIS IS A SHOCKING DEVELOPMENT!!! AND BARRY BONDS IS GOING TO BREAK HANK AARON'S RECORD UNLESS HIS HEAD EXPLODES! AN NBA REF MODELS HIS LIFE AFTER THE SPORTING GOODS OWNER/COMPULSIVE GAMBLER/T-1000 FROM SEASON TWO OF THE SOPRANOS! AND PEOPLE CHEAT IN THE TOUR DE FRANCE! AND DID I MENTION DOG OWNERS DON'T LIKE MICHAEL VICK!
Seriously, who the fuck cares? There's so much negativity in this world, especially in the News world; I mean, don't they realize there's more important stuff in the world than Barry Bonds breaking Hank Aaron's record...like we knew he was going to do for the past three seasons?
I, and I'm pretty sure most other Americans (and fans in general), watch sports to find some kind of semblance of a distraction from the gravitas of the real world...which is where that belongs. When someone like Barry Bonds cheats and breaks a historic record that was set by a man infinitely more classy, an individual who dealt with a great deal of adversity throughout his career in an era where being black was a much bigger deal, and to many people, a major sin. And that's about all I care about that story...Bonds is going to break the record, I wish every pitcher he's faced this year had thrown at him because he's a gigantic asshole and a cheat. That took me 30 seconds to make my mind up about that, and yet, every time I turn on ESPN I have to see some bullshit update about "Breaking Aaron" or "Chasing Aaron" or whatever the hell they call it, the soulless husk that is Skip Bayless arguing about oh so sanctimoniously, or some poor reporter who thought he'd be on NBC Nightly News by this point in his career giving a thousand yard stare into the camera and trying. so. hard. to act interested about the "story" he's (or she...Rachel Nichols) covering. All it does is make people's blood pressure go higher in a world, where, frankly there's plenty of better reasons for your blood pressure to be high. Though mine did spike after reading this non-researched, uninformed piece of crap column from a normally professional columnist(and nice guy).
The same goes for Michael Vick, who, it seems, makes Ted Nugent look like a hippie for his stance on animal cruelty (by the way, the odds are set at 1:2 that Deion Sanders is the next (ex)athlete to be uncovered as a dogfighting criminal mastermind...at least based off of this Op-Ed piece, which could only be written by someone as oblivious and annoying as...Deion Sanders).
As for Tim Donaghy, well, he's a moron, but the most damning thing about the whole situation is that he was fixing the games he was working and he probably wasn't even the worst official on a lot of them. David Stern should probably just clean house and offer a shitload of money to a bunch of college refs with clean backgrounds, since the officiating was/is so horrendous no one could actually tell when someone was intentionally making bad calls.
At least people are responding to all this stuff like they should; with the unmitigated outrage of someone who's been betrayed.
Or like this.
(I like to think Robert Byrd saw one of his great grandchildren playing Rock'em Sock'em Robots).
It's the reaction people should have. Hey, they cheated on us; we expected them to help provide that escapism that we so desperately crave, and in some cases, need to stay just a little bit saner than we would thinking about all of the life's problems constantly, and instead, they fucked up the world just a little bit more. But hey, we're big people, we can get over it. Let's move on. Life's too short to worry about Tim Donaghy. We should be focusing more on orchestrating a theoretical four team trade for Kevin Garnett using Juan Carlos Navarro as a centerpiece.
Oh, and by the way: Cycling? Everybody but Lance Armstrong cheats at cycling.