I propose a new Olympic sport for Beijing 2008: paintball.
Wait, before you scoff, do you deny that millions would tune into the gold-medal match between Russia and the U.S.?
Miracle on Ice, bah! We'd have a Miracle on Grassy Field, with tires and steel drums and, uh, other fake war shit.
And maybe, just maybe, if the countries of the world could resolve their anger through trading balls of rainbow-colored paint, we'd have no more Iraqs.
But we'd need a good ref. No Kofi Annan. The Dali Lama wouldn't accept. Tony Blair already has his hands full referring somewhere else.
Ah, got it!
Ref-for-Life Marion Barry!